Fantastic Four

distancing myself

 

this was a conversation i had today.

other person;  well.  we all knew she wouldn't like anybody her son married.

me;  well imagine my surprise when i found out she never did.

other person;  well i knew she didn't like you.

me; speechless... (but here's what i wanted to say) *well fuck you very much*

some people apparently are missing a sensitivity chip.  and apparently you still can't fix stupid.

Tibetan Freedom Concert

Mid 1990's.  San Francisco.  Golden Gate Park.  The first time I saw the Beastie Boys in concert.

I didn't buy the ticket because of the Tibetan Freedom stance.

I bought the ticket to see the Beastie Boys.

My bestest friend was my co-pilot - we loaded up the car and hit the road.

We sat on the grass in the park and listened, bopped our heads and sang along to

Sure Shot.  

Girls.  

She's Crafty.  And my all time favorite..

Get It Together.

This past week I heard from a few friends - and each text was reminiscing about being teens & bumpin the beastie beats.

Good Times.

 

getting beat up

sometimes i wish people had other things to do.

things other than be in my business, speak porrly of me, or feel they need to sound off on judging my life.

i wish when others inquire they do so out of pure love.

not for gossip.

there are things in my life i wish not to relive.

i've relived them enough.

everytime i open the pandora's box i find my anxiety rises, my sleep becomes restless, my brain is filled with unimportant details.

i've recently opted not to indulge in email wars.

i guess you can say i opt to not respond.

rude?

perhaps.

but better than unleashing my wrath.

sometimes i think we never leave high school.

i'm 36.

i'm too old for this shit.

welcome to the club

the motherhood club.

i knew one existed.

 prior to becoming apart of this playdate & poop filled club i had a few mommy friends.

here is a list of what they did not tell me.  (bitches!)

one.

sleep.  i promise you, you will never sleep soundly ever again.  well maybe when they are 38 and living with their own family.  but definitely not before then.  that's right, kiss those sheet imprints on your face goodBYE!  sionara!  adios sucker.  

why won't you sleep soundly you ask?  well let's see there is the heart pounding fear that baby will roll over and smother themselves in their crib.  that's just one.  you ever see the movie terms of endearment?  (btw one of my top 5 favorite movies of all time.)  anyhow there is a scene were mom goes into babies room and wakes the baby.  just.  to.  make.  sure.  she.  is.  breathing.  that's the kind of batshit crazy stuff mom's do once they are in the club.  anyone else tries to pull that crap and you will feel the need to scalp them.

i can't even explain it but some really foreign thoughts will sneak their way into your thought process and disrupt your sleep.  welcome to Motherhood.

 

two.  this new trick can either help or hinder  you...

you gain bionic hearing.  I'm talking sounds you never paid attention to B.C. (before children).  push out a baby - you are granted the miracle ear.  You'll find yourself repeating,

"Did you hear that?"  "Was that the baby?"  Every sneeze, fart, grunt, cry, roll over, foreign object injested, or total baby silence - you will hear it.  it's eerie.

 

three.  anxiety while walking through a parking lot.

the following sentences will be on constant replay for mulitple years.  guaranteed.

is that car in reverse?

do they see me?

are they slowing down?

look left.

look right.

repeat.

times like these i wish i had the ability to roatate my head 360 degrees.  it would save me a bit of angst. another thing that comes along with the questions is the altered state of your heart beat.  not pounding out of your chest for all to see.  but tweaked just right so you feel it and causes you to apply the death grip to your childs wrist.  not hand, to easy to pull away and a lot of complaining about smushing their fingers, remember they are still too young to know you are protecting them from being eaten by a fender or bumper.  believe me - it's all in the wrist.  and while applying this pressure to squirming child should you witness a driver texting, chatting on the phone, accelerating, not stopping for you to cross with your most prized possession you will find yourself morph into a gansta rapper with numerous foul words flying out of your mouth at eminem warp speed accompanied by angry Dr. Dre face.

now don't think of this as bashing the perks of motherhood.  my two little queens are worth every one of those above rants.

i'm just trying to keep everyone in the loop.  tell them what they are in for.

room with a view

i've been known to cruise around town with a toilet.

yup.

a porta potty.

inevitably once we hit the road, someone's gotta go.

super convenient.

and sometimes the view is spectacular.

A quote I can relate too...

 

 

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."- Marilyn Monroe

Office of Epidemiology

"Hello this message is for Sergio Mora, this is the County of San Diego calling, please call us back @..."

I heard this message and didn't think anything of it.

Little did I know when Mr. Man returned the call he got the following voicemail.

"Hello you have reached the County of Disease Control for San Diego County Office of Epidemiology..."

What the?

Whose got the epidemic?

Epidemic?

 

Parasite?

Giardia?

Yes, yes and yes.

All courtesy of Mexico (little bastard!)

For those of you who are not familiar with it, let me indulge you...

Giardiasis (GEE-are-DYE-uh-sis) is a diarrheal illness caused by a microscopic parasite, Giardia intestinalis (also known as Giardia lamblia or Giardia duodenalis). Once a person or animal has been infected with Giardia, the parasite lives in the intestine and is passed in feces. Because the parasite is protected by an outer shell, it can survive outside the body and in the environment for long periods of time (i.e., months). (i.e. CRAP! literally!) (Right now I'm thinking Fuck you Mexico!)

The Giardia parasite lives in the intestine of infected humans or animals (e.g., cats, dogs, cattle, deer, and beavers). Millions of germs can be released in a bowel movement of an infected human or animal. Giardia is found on surfaces or in soil, food, or water that has been contaminated with the feces from infected humans or animals. You can become infected after accidentally swallowing the parasite; (So I'm thinking we swallowed a bunch of shit water, literally) Giardia can be spread by: (Going to Mexico)

• Accidentally swallowing Giardia picked up from surfaces (such as bathroom fixtures, changing tables, diaper pails, or toys) contaminated with feces from an infected person or animal.  In Mexico.
• Drinking water or using ice made from contaminated sources (e.g., lakes, streams, shallow [less than 50 feet] or poorly monitored or maintained wells). - Or Mexico.
• Swallowing recreational water contaminated with Giardia. Recreational water includes water in swimming pools, water parks, hot tubs or spas, fountains, lakes, rivers, springs, ponds, or streams that can be contaminated with feces or sewage from humans or animals.  Or Mexico.
• Eating uncooked food contaminated with Giardia. Food in Mexico.
• Having contact with someone who is ill with giardiasis.  Mexicans.
• Traveling to countries where giardiasis is common and being exposed to the parasite as described in the bullets above.  Apparently Mexico.

What are the symptoms of giardiasis?

Giardia infection can cause a variety of intestinal signs or symptoms, which include

• Diarrhea
• Gas or flatulence
• Greasy stools that tend to float
• Stomach or abdominal cramps
• Upset stomach or nausea

These symptoms may lead to weight loss and dehydration. Some people with Giardia infection have no symptoms at all.

- Times that by FOUR people.  For a duration of 6 weeks.  All starting while on vacation in Mexico and continued all the long way home.  Including while in the airport and in the air.  Fuckin Mexico!

With that said - Four Doctor appointments later.  Along with four perscriptions @ $40 a pop I am happy to say we are parasite free!

So I say Adios Mexico!  Next time we go on a 10 day vacation I'm putting in a request to Hawaii!  Aloha!

Jimmy Choo Living

Oh to take a sneak peek into Miss. Jimmy Choo's (aka Tamara Mellon) closet.  Looks pretty fabulous!

 

She is featured in this months Harper's Bazaar

Things

Things I could do without...

• clutter, clutter everywhere

• having to ask my daughters 27 times to do something; get dressed, brush teeth, eat your breakfast

• always losing my keys, ALWAYS

• hitting every red light when I’m in a hurry

•

Here's a list of things that I COULD NEVER do without:

• being there to see the sweet smile on my girls faces every single morning

• having my littlest one tell me “Mama I love you” nothing in the world like it

• two words... Flip Flops!

• really good, true to the bone, will tell you the truth even if it hurts Girlfriends

• my Husband

Damn you Mighty Mouse!

The saga continues...  As I write this I'm fingers double crossed that the saga is O-V-E-R.  Mighty Mouse, ah hell, let's get real... It was Mighty Mice!  Yes plural - always is, you never hear of someone chatting it up about having a mouse.  They complain about mice.  No snap trap would bring it (them, the family) to its end, nor would a sticky trap.  Only after ingesting rat poison would those little buggers (I am refraining from the word bastard as is my Hub considering it is our 2 year olds new word) disappear.  And disappear they did.  Into the way, way back or my kitchen cabinet, nestled close to the water heater on the other side of the wall.  Where they disappeared (i.e. stopped breathing).  But considering those stinkers (literally) were hidden in a faraway place it was an all day (three day) process.  As you can tell from the photo I took.

So 4 mice and 3 nests later here's to hoping (remember the double finger cross) those mice are H-I-S-T-O-R-Y.