i think that was all that was on the list. i mean - it's enough.
imagine the look on my face when the good dr. handed me my homework.
i mean good god.
my girl is 8.
he did mention that if i don't start opening up the lines of communication now that i am screwed once she hits the teenage years.
i'm fucked either way.
have the talk, don't have the talk - she's gonna clam up the minute i ask her anything.
been there, done that.
there should be another name for teenagers... little sneaky bitches (is one name that comes to mind - pretty sure my parents can back me up on this one.)
so with the hubs off working a 96 hour shift i thought last nights dinner table (while eating dinner) would be appropritate. (it's not).
i did start this talk (sorta) last week. but i went about it by chatting up "women's intuition" and "gut feeling" - gave her a little lesson on going with that little voice in the back of her head (the one that says DON'T DO IT). and it went pretty well. she said she understood. i was very proud of myself (good job mama).
now - fastforward- last night - dinner.
me: do you know where babies come from?
6 year old little sis - your tummy
me - yes. do you know how they get there?
8 & 6 year old - deer in headlights.
me - i tread lightly into sperm, eggs & fertilization. penis, vagina, etc.
6 year old - you know this isn't appropriate to talk about at the dinner table.
me - deer in headlights.
8 year old - dead silent.
6 year old - where does the sperm come from?
6 year old - do you eat the sperm?
me - no
6 year old - do you drink the sperm?
at this point i'm trying my best to hold a poker face & answer.
i show them a short video on egg fertilization.
i'm feeling a bit triumphant.
thinking the convo is going o.k. - not great - could be worse.
it gets worse.
they ask about pain & i explain an epidural.
at this point i'm still trying to hold my face contortions because all i want to do is laugh. and have a drink. knowing that i've totally lost them.
me - any questions?
8 year old - i'm confused.
6 year old - all i want to know is if your butts o.k. and are there fireworks?